This is a War of Attrition, I can't fight this psychological chess game by myself and it royally fucking pisses me off that the people that are supposed to be looking after my intrests down in Niagara are fuckin slacking, I get everything that was needed to be fucking done, and months pass and the fact that things are left hanging and/or have not been fucking done doesn't give me any faith in the court system anymore, we are 2 Months away from the flashpoint of this entire fucking game starting 4 years ago, this is going to be a year of reckoning and i definetly am starting to think of exactly what the next step is, I'm not opposed to the whole scorched earth policy when it comes to my enemy and even so called allies, this isn't and hasn't been about me, but for every day that ticks away i become farther and farther away from him, and every second that passes is another moment of his life I have been denied, for what? Someone else's reality, someone else's anger? the sad part is that as much as i try and be involved and give direction it finds itself on fucking deaf ears and it makes it's easy for her to manipulate the system and stall and stall, do I have to wait forever until he is an adult to have a relationship with my son? I have fighting this battle for a fucking decade and it shows No signs of ending soon, and for once i feel that i am powerless that nothing i can do is fucking helping because people are are supposed allies are doing nothing, and have often been detrimental to the entire process. I am so fucking tired of fighting and battling the system alone. this is a fight that I have to fight, a battle that I must win, but it's so fucking long. I'll die before it ends, you'd have to kill me to get rid of me in his life, you may have destroyed the heart inside and replaced it with a cold bitter black fucking hole, but as long as my blood flows thru and thru him, as long as this black hole beats, I'm not going Anywhere... There is no longer any relying or trusting anyone else to fight my battles tho, it's time to take it to you, Along or otherwise, this is my battle, My fight and I can't trust anyone to do it for me. at the end of the day, when you need something done, you have to do it yourself, when it comes to matters of blood you do it yourself. I would rather be Angry and pissed off at the world with a target on my back than to just let things slide and let you win.... Some of this is my own doing for trusting other people on multiple occasions, but I don't trust any aspect of the system, I never have.... but i will give you this, I don't like you, I don't respect you, in fact I down right fucking hate you Jennifer, but I do respect your Intellect, I respect the games that you are capable of, you do know how to use the system to your advantage with, I taught you all these things, and you are so fucking predictable, it's so fucking easy for you to do it. you've fought this battle for ten fucking years agianst me, I don't diregard your intellect, it's your fucking take on reality I reject in this psychological Chess game, But a King can only win when his pawns and knights have His back, and when the black queen is a better manipulator than him, he's screwed if all the other peices on the board work agianst him. It royally fucking pisses me when someone else drops the fucking ball and doesn't run with it when i have given them enough rope to hang you with, it get's frustrating. I need to make my emotions and directives known and if they get fucking ignored agian i think that it is time for me examine new options, one's that will make this battle an endgame, not this constant stalemate where for every fucking chess move forward two Moves end up falling behind.... This has never been about me, This isn't about me, Beginning, Middle and End; This Will always be About him, He will Know that.
This will end One day, I won't let you win, Ever.
Current Mood:BEYOND ANGRY
Current Music: Eminem, The Way I AM
Some allies are more dangerous than enemies.
Show no fear to your enemies. Only contempt. Never let anyone look down on you. You're just as good as any of them. I don't care who they are. Better in fact...
Revenge in the hands of your enemies is a loaded gun. You can beg them for mercy, wave the white flag of surrender, but the only true elixir for the vitriol they bestow is a measure of hatred dispensed of your own.
I do not need any friends. I prefer enemies. They are better company and their feelings towards you are always genuine.
If you are a warrior, the nature and scale of your enemies will determine the nature and scale of your actions. In this sense, it is even more important to choose your enemies more wisely than your friends.
Whoever is first in the field and awaits the coming of the enemy, will be fresh for the fight; whoever is second in the field and has to hasten to battle will arrive exhausted.
It is good that a man's enemies want him dead, for it proves he has lived a life of worth.
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