Things are Improving for me and I am starting to both concentrate on real priorities and Finishing this up with a dignified exit rather than slowly limping along waiting for one day for it to all magicilly be gone, yes this stupid toy gig did help with a lot of things over the last two years and without it I wouldn't be standing as strong as I am here today, I would be much more of a broken man, But it's time to walk away very soon before it breaks me, it already is an albatross placed around my neck by yet another person I used to call aquainatance, and once upon a time when i trusted him freind, but the reality is this gig has always been about Money for everyone. I have made my peace with that. it's just no longer neccasary for it to continue to be a constant part of my life. I will keep the nice things and some of the other things but I would rather have things that are cooler and more age aprioate and my belly full and bills paid than a locker full of plastic shit sitting like an albatross around my neck for eternity.. too much of my money has already gone into maintianing it, too Much of my effort has gone into the whole situation, It was once A nessarcary evil to be taken advtanage of ad I thought some of this retarded Junk would make me happy, But when I go to my New Buitiful apartment, All I see Is an empty Space, Something Is missing, and no Amount of Toys, Games or Money is ever going to replace the fact that i have lost 4 years due to someone else's selfishness. The stuff i had once stockpiled with hopes of getting him home is mostly gone in the wind. And i can pick and choose from the remains for him and other little people important to me when the time is right.. But for the moment... and for probaly the first real time of anything with this shit... And even more... With regards to the other issues affecting my life.. I can see an ending.. Once this is a done and In the coffin I will focus completely on the only thing that matters, the only thing that permiates my entire being, the one thing I have done all this work for. this was a means to an end... Now simply it's time to finish this game and take another path, And then Finish the Real game.
Current Mood: Determined.
Your dignity can be mocked, abused, compromised, toyed with, lowered and even badmouthed, but it can never be taken from you. You have the power today to reset your boundaries, restore your image, start fresh with renewed values and rebuild what has happened to you in the past.
I sat in the dark and thought: There’s no big apocalypse. Just an endless procession of little ones.
The ending is nearer than you think, and it is already written. All that we have left to choose is the correct moment to begin.
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