Knight Templar.

You're the kind of evil that doesn't realize it's evil...the worst kind of evil there is.

People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. It's people who claim that they're good, or any way better than the rest of us, that you have to be wary of.

I don't know how to back down from anyone. Even if I was afraid, I'd still challenge things. That's the only way I work. It's about survival and not fading away, I need to be here for my kid, he needs to know that I never fucking backed down, regardless of how much easier the world would be if I let her win. That's not how I operate, it's never going to be about me, it's about her, my son and more than that it's about my ongoing history with the society. They know they have enemy, one that they have created. I know exactly what the fuck there agenda is, and I've never hidden mine. This is war, it's always going to be war. We are criminals, we've always been criminals, but you know what when I stare into the face of my enemy, I know all that I'm looking at is a bunch of bigger criminals, organized crime ain't got shit on the system, I might be dark, evil and corrupt but at least with me you know exactly where you stand, I don't pretend to be something that I'm not like the system does, before I am in the ground I will find a way to hold those motherfuckers accountable. That's what this is about, they can't just destroy a man constantly, because a selfish little woman wanted the upper hand in a custody battle. You engage the evil empire when you knew me heart and soul a few decades ago, I'll fight you and them with every fiber of my being. This isn't about me, it's never fucking been about me, it's so history does not repeat with my grandchildren, it's bad enough you forced involvement with my son, I think you finally understand that was a fucking selfish act. I don't really give a fuck what you understand tho. Tick Tock, the days count down, the story will end soon. I'll take every nail from my crucifixion and shove them in your eyes, and you and the system could not break me then, it's not about to break me now.

I'm the conductor on this train of consequences, and I've told you before, when it goes off the rails, I'll be the one in the drivers seat, the difference is, when I go off the track, that locomotive is aimed right at you... Be prepared for that, I am. I don't know what the next stage of my life has been and I'm acutely aware of the things in it, both good and bad. I am prepared for anything because eventually, everything fucking happens in some form or another. The world has changed, I've changed with it. I'm a lot harder, angrier and cynical. But all of that, it has a focus, it has to. Anytime u get distracted by other things, they fade away, they aren't permanent. I have to see the road in front of me and see this to the bitter end, without fear, without compromise, without anyone, because regardless of anything else that comes and goes into my life, it's all I have left, it will always be the only thing I have left, my will, my strength, my resolve, the things you can never fucking take from me, things you never will. And that's why in this chess game with multiple partners, it will never end in a stalemate, I refuse to allow it to. You might be able to destroy a man, but he is never truly gone until he's been defeated, and that's a day that will never come.

It's been a decade since I made a conscious choice to leave university and only concentrate on being a dad, I'll never regret being that, but sometimes I do look back and wonder what might have been had I made a different choice, the thing is, I would not have made a different choice, it was the choice I needed to make then, it's just like the choices I need to make now. When I have decided or have had decided for me, a course of action to take, there is nothing that stops me, not now, not then, not ever. I answer the world on my own terms or not at all.

Everything in my life rings hollow at the moment, and I honestly question anything but the fight and the one true reason I choose to fight, I'm sick of my world turning to shit, and I'm aware that there is more than one architect and that I bear some responsibilities as well, but when it comes down to it, I know exactly who I should blame, I know which targets to attack, I know exactly who I am and who I am not, and one thing I am is a man you should all fear, but I am not a man my son should fear, that's the difference. I will unleash hell for him, but never in front of him. I know the conviction of my character, I know exactly who I am in this time and place, I know what my options are and why most of them aren't really an option no matter what other people fucking think. I know where I stand, that's all that matters to me. I have the courage of my convictions, I don't just give lip service to what I believe in, I speak with my actions. I am sick and tired of people that talk a great game about there fucking principles, but when push comes to fucking shove, where are they, why am I standing in a dark room, alone? Why am I the only here fighting, I'll take the abandoned sword the cowards have left behind, I'll wield my determination like a deadly weapon, because at the end of the day, everyone else has something to lose, I don't. It's already been taken away from me, on multiple levels. So I fight, I go to war, that's what I have left, that defines my legacy. That defines who I fucking am now, and I'm more than goddamn proud to be doing alone. Friends and family are a luxury I can't afford right now, not when every one of them can be made I to an easy target to be used against me. If I truly choose to be alone, it's for the better, that way, no one along the way gets wounded because of me, except for those who I intend to inflict grievous injury upon, but that's fair, they've already taken what little left I had of goodness and hope left within my soul, all of that resides within him now, all that is left of me is a cold, dark warrior, more than willing to die for his cause, and more than willing to inflict some fucking damage. Lead, follow or get the fuck out of my way. Those are the terms you've made me live with, your turn. I have little to no faith that aspects of this will ever end, and I'm more than a little frustrated by being the only soldier fighting this war, when those I look to support have there own agendas, well, I have my own agenda too... I don't know where things are going. But I'm prepared for what comes. I don't need to be constantly fucking judged for my choice of action. I fight, to the bitter end if I have to. That's the way of it. I have completely lost interest in anything otherwise, and the only directives I plan on following are my own, I'm in control, I am the only person that matters other than him, and it's mine and his interests at heart and that's it. People need to be aware and fear me, so fucking be it. I've got no problem with people being afraid of me, it means my fucking voice has been heard. This is about me and him, and that is it, if I go down in flames I do it fighting. That's a calculated risk I'm more than willing to accept. It beats waiting.

I don't have time for people in my life that aren't behind me 100% and it's only a matter of what I can do for them lately, those kinda people get broomed out of my life pretty easily, very quickly. I might be a mercenary and a nomad, but knowing when to cut people loose in my life has never been something I have been afraid of. If I'm fighting alone, then I fight alone, it's better than having questions about the next attack, if the attack is going to come head on I can handle that, it's the not knowing, and the expectation, that eventually another person will put the knife to my back. Alone, I'm not looking over my fucking shoulder. Alone, I am fucking stronger. I've been betrayed enough times to know when it's coming, it's easier to be a lone warrior, no collateral damage, but then again bitch, you and the system thrive on that, knowing I'll do the right thing for all the wrong reasons to prevent anyone else from being affected by your bullshit. There's a reason I stood and fought alone for most of these years, maybe I should go back to that. No one else gets hurt, not because of me, no one else gets to feel pain because of me, unless I want them to. And my enemies, you will feel pain, you will have to stand and answer, and you will have to look me in the eye and lie. I don't have that burden on my shoulders. I just have to fight, even if I'm fighting alone Agian... I don't have to fear my destiny, I already know I've outlived my usefulness, I'm expendable. He isn't. Neither are they. But I'll walk away to protect those I love and care about before the fires and flames that I dance in on the battle field affect them. It's a war, I'm not going anywhere, but that's a choice I make, for me and myself only. I won't drag innocents down with me, that's the scare tactics of the agency, of a system that warehouses children, and scares mothers... That's the motives of a woman who knows the system is biased towards her so she can say whatever the fuck she wants to destroy a man and forever damage her own blood, but then again, we've already fucking established, that there is no soul behind your fucking eyes. I'd rather have fire, anger and darkness inside mine, than be a hollow, manipulative shell. Hell holds no secrets for me, but I have made my peace with going there. People without souls deserve eternity in purgatory. I made peace with the void a long time ago, the difference is, you and your kind, they are the fucking evil in this world, the ones that hide under a smile and positively. The ones that will shove a knife into you back with a kind word and a smile. Me, people know where they stand, I'm angry, agrees I've and I don't back down, you wanna attack me, go ahead. I'll respond in kind, a day later, a decade later, it doesn't fucking matter I will fight you. It's about ethics and principles and those that have none. I'd rather be a noble demon than someone who doesn't have a cause, that doesn't know what they fight for, only that they fight, I know what I'm fighting for, I know why I'll never fuckin back down. I at war, and the captain is gonna go down with the ship. But I might be a Knight Templar, but it's something I do alone, no one else I care about gets hurt as a result of my actions. Those that I don't give a fuck about, prepare for me to unleash hell. You don't get to put this demon back into the fucking bottle. Either you'll end me or I'll end you, those are the only terms I'm comfortable with at this fucking moment. It will end, but never cause I gave up. But some things a man has to do alone, burning every bridge behind him.

Current Mood: Angry, Restless, Determined.
Current Music: Judas Priest - Rapid Fire

There's never been a true war that wasn't fought between two sets of people who were certain they were in the right. The really dangerous people believe they are doing whatever they are doing solely and only because it is without question the right thing to do. And that is what makes them dangerous.

He will always do what is right, no matter who it hurts.