I'm grateful for those than have support me and that have always had my back, but the reality is that some of those people that said they did had an agenda and those are the ones I'm angry at for the moment, I hate being in this place where all I can fucking see is anger and depression, but like I said to a friend, I don't internalize anything, I'm not suicidal, I'm homicidal. I just don't act upon it or if I was a fucking vengeful and not a patient man I wouldn't be standing here give years on not acting on my every impulse...it's not time for that last car ride into a fucking blaze of glory, not just yet, I still got shit to do, things left to accomplish. But you don't want to be around me or even be someone that has my back when that day comes... Everyone in this world eventually disappoint you, that includes me. I'm just gonna disappoint everyone eventually in a big fucking way, some men just want to see the world burn, I've been burning for so fucking long, I don't know how to function without the fire, and when it ends, the fire will burn more than me.. I promise you that. In war, one dies beside his soldiers, but I already know that I'll die alone... It's always been that way, no collateral damage except to those I want damaged. They've earned it. I'm real fucking sick of some of these people in and out of my life that have been taken fucking advantage and that have been for years. Once again things are changing in my life and me with them and at this point I need to decide who and what's important and for the rest of it, stop fucking caring. I'm done with fucking people and doing them favors. My good nature esp. To those I care about gets fuckin turned on me way too often for me to care, because when it comes down to it, on the battle field, on the front lines, these people that say they have your back, these people that support you? They are nowhere to be found as usual, same as when they owe you money. I'm sick of people that offer fucking nothing, but are always there with their hands out when you have something to offer. I'm simply sick of being a good person, what the fuck has it gotten me other than a lifetime of ruin? It's long since time that I made me the priority, the only fucking priority. When push comes to fucking shove, the only person I'm gonna be taking care of is myself, I'm not here to take care of anyone else. I am discovering I have less and less time for the mutants of Hamilton and the surrounding area. I'm just sick of dealing with pathetic people. It's so much easier to stand apart and not give a shit. I am beyond having patience for people who do not appreciate it. It's ironic that things are coming to a complete and total end, not because I want them to, but because there is very little blood left in that particular stone to bleed dry. That I can live with, I won't be looking back on it, too many people in my life that took advantage, and now they are all gone. Good. I never needed any of them, my good, true and solid friends? Their still here standing. That's all I have ever needed and the few more that I've picked up along the way, that's the best positive memory of the entire process. The rest of Em? Fuck Em. The ones that took advantage and stabbed me in the back, I don't need them, people still need to prove themselves by their actions but I long ago proved my actions and intents. I'm done with fucking fake people, any time i get happy and think that my life is going to go back to normal I get taken advantage of, so fuck it I'm done. i need to look forward not into the past. it's fucking interesting how I become the fucking scapegoat the minute the world goes to hell for people.. you know what, I'm fucking fine with that, I've always been better at playing the villain, it makes it so much easier to cut ties and say fuck you to the world.
Current Mood: Angry, Depressed.
Relationships with negative people are simply tedious encounters with porcupines. You don’t have the remote knowledge how to be close to them without quills being shot in your direction.
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