Do not concern yourself with what I have done; rather tremble at the thought of what I am about to do.
I need to run. That's my best option. Get as far as I can away. Windsor is probaly my best choice but there are other options. I want to go and be happy. That's not going to happen as long as I am close proximity. As long as I am close I will always be broken and never fully healed. I don't want to give up my things and my life but there's not much life left inside of me to have... I gotta protect the little that is left and find happiness. I can't be miserable forever and as long as I stay in this moment of time anything I do is just a fucking distraction. I need to do what I've always been good at and walk away.
I've never had a home... It's a joke to think this broke ass city that even my childhood home has been demolished in will ever be home. I left for fifteen years and it's only some twisted sense of honour and duty that keeps me here. I need to find something else. I need to be something else. That moment back then can no longer define me... It did forever. but it's lost to me... Everything that defined me is gone. I have to find a new definition, I need to find somewhere else to be... I need peace... It's not going to here. It was never going to be here.
I'm done with false hopes and false fucking freinds that when I have a true moment of need they fucking ghost me.... The worst part it's not even me that is the one hurt... But of course some freinds don't ride or die with you.. some freinds just use and take advantage... I'm done with them. I shouldn't be in a thunderstorm of emotional pain while someone I love is in real Physical pain and I can't be by her side... So for that reason and that reason alone... Fuck my so called false freinds... I'm done being taken advantage of anymore. I have bigger things and worries in my life than some asshole I used to call a freind. In my darkest hour I needed someone as a freind... I won't forget that.
A lot of people in my life that I once thought of neccasary are showing there true fucking colours and I am at a fucking crossroads where the important things that mattered may no longer matter... I'm going to broom some people out of my fucking life and focus on what's important. Damn the fucking consequences. I'm sick of people that are abusive in my life and jealous and don't respect my fucking choices. If I feel I'm being taken advantage of, my first instinct is to run as far away from people as I need to. It's getting to that point with a lot of people I care about. I just don't give a fuck anymore. I'm sick of battles and fighting. I just want to be left alone, if..you prove that you are fucking worthless as a part of my life by your actions. You will no longer be part of it. That's where I am at this moment. I will be making changes in my life as respect to a lot of fucking people. Never forget I am an asshole and proud of it, I'll walk away and cut you out of my life.. I don't give a fuck who you think you are or how important at one moment in my life you might have been. I'm more important to myself.
This is the most fucked up life I have ever known.
Current Mood: Angry.
You're the kind of evil that doesn't realize it's evil... the worst kind of evil there is.
Comments