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Isolated III


I should not be living for you're phone calls. I should not be living for the next pay given I just paid bills and groceries and responsibilities, its pathetic. I have a life. I have things I want to do and usually do to keep my life interesting. Its frustrating that right now I can't do any of them, no travel, no adventures. Etc.

No wonder I focus on the one thing in my life I think I can control the movement of where that relationship goes...for the past year its been a priority even more than it always has been. I am lonely and distanced from everyone I know both locally and everywhere else.

Maybe I'm grasping at strings, maybe its just because I don't do this isolation shit well and if I'm going to be this fucking isolated I want to do it with the ones I love the most... I stress and worry so much about them.  I need my adventures or I am going to get obsessive about stupid shit and peruse it to my detriment. I have done What I need to do with it.

I'm just lonely. I'm just alone.

I'm sick of waiting for things to happen. I make things happen. Its frustrating when I can't. So I focus on the few things I can affect and change right now. Fortunately some of those things I needed to do eventually for myself anyways...

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