I am angry. That’s who I am. I am an angry reactive motherfucker who hates the world. It doesn’t go away. And when I do things for me and the ones I care for and it turns to shit, I am even more angry. Sometimes it’s internal, and sometimes it’s the entire fucking world being unfair. I shouldn’t have to resort to just survival and I should be able to trust things in my own home. The reality is that’s no longer the reality of the fucking world. You can’t trust anyone anymore. If they can fuck you they will, and some people will just do it because their own selfish needs are more important than any of you’re own.
I’m not 100% what happened and there are too many xfactors but I know this is just another situation where I end up losing, I’m sick of sacrificing to do the right thing and it’s not being recognized and now I am in a situation where I have lost a lot of belongings and the money from and I have nothing to show once agian. Given my life, I think it’s fair to say being reactionary and angry is justified. The fact that at least one person who should recognize the weight of the situation is being selfish and frustrating me more shows me that at the end of the day, all my sacrifices are fucking meaningless. Everything I do in this life is meaningless. I’ll end up alone with nothing. That’s my path. That’s always going to be my path. I am nothing of value and I am not allowed to have anything of value in my life.
This entire fucking ball of dirt is a prison to me, and every time something happens reminds me that all I am at the end of the day is nothing, and that I have nothing. Because anytime I try to do the right thing or save or have nice things they turn to fucking shit.
It’s not recognized anyways by the person that matters most. Nothing is. It shows the true colours. The one moment I would have needed you in my life, crickets. Fuck off.
Welcome to the wreckage that is my life.
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