Skip to main content

Harvester of Sorrow


 




I am angry. That’s who I am. I am an angry reactive motherfucker who hates the world. It doesn’t go away. And when I do things for me and the ones I care for and it turns to shit, I am even more angry. Sometimes it’s internal, and sometimes it’s the entire fucking world being unfair. I shouldn’t have to resort to just survival and I should be able to trust things in my own home. The reality is that’s no longer the reality of the fucking world. You can’t trust anyone anymore. If they can fuck you they will, and some people will just do it because their own selfish needs are more important than any of you’re own. 


I’m not 100% what happened and there are too many xfactors but I know this is just another situation where I end up losing, I’m sick of sacrificing to do the right thing and it’s not being recognized and now I am in a situation where I have lost a lot of belongings and the money from and I have nothing to show once agian. Given my life, I think it’s fair to say being reactionary and angry is justified. The fact that at least one person who should recognize the weight of the situation is being selfish and frustrating me more shows me that at the end of the day, all my sacrifices are fucking meaningless.  Everything I do in this life is meaningless. I’ll end up alone with nothing. That’s my path. That’s always going to be my path. I am nothing of value and I am not allowed to have anything of value in my life.


This entire fucking ball of dirt is a prison to me, and every time something happens reminds me that all I am at the end of the day is nothing, and that I have nothing.  Because anytime I try to do the right thing or save or have nice things they turn to fucking shit.


It’s not recognized anyways by the person that matters most. Nothing is. It shows the true colours. The one moment I would have needed you in my life, crickets. Fuck off.


Welcome to the wreckage that is my life.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...
Post a Comment
Read more