Skip to main content

Harvester of Sorrow


 




I am angry. That’s who I am. I am an angry reactive motherfucker who hates the world. It doesn’t go away. And when I do things for me and the ones I care for and it turns to shit, I am even more angry. Sometimes it’s internal, and sometimes it’s the entire fucking world being unfair. I shouldn’t have to resort to just survival and I should be able to trust things in my own home. The reality is that’s no longer the reality of the fucking world. You can’t trust anyone anymore. If they can fuck you they will, and some people will just do it because their own selfish needs are more important than any of you’re own. 


I’m not 100% what happened and there are too many xfactors but I know this is just another situation where I end up losing, I’m sick of sacrificing to do the right thing and it’s not being recognized and now I am in a situation where I have lost a lot of belongings and the money from and I have nothing to show once agian. Given my life, I think it’s fair to say being reactionary and angry is justified. The fact that at least one person who should recognize the weight of the situation is being selfish and frustrating me more shows me that at the end of the day, all my sacrifices are fucking meaningless.  Everything I do in this life is meaningless. I’ll end up alone with nothing. That’s my path. That’s always going to be my path. I am nothing of value and I am not allowed to have anything of value in my life.


This entire fucking ball of dirt is a prison to me, and every time something happens reminds me that all I am at the end of the day is nothing, and that I have nothing.  Because anytime I try to do the right thing or save or have nice things they turn to fucking shit.


It’s not recognized anyways by the person that matters most. Nothing is. It shows the true colours. The one moment I would have needed you in my life, crickets. Fuck off.


Welcome to the wreckage that is my life.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more