My life fell apart years ago, and everything that is the pillars of my life is slowly slipping away, it's not lost on me the mistakes I have made in my life and that I can't control something as simple as managing my credit cards so they can't get fucking stolen or lost, I'm just lucky i didn't lose a lot fucking more. I have made bad choices and I could have done things better and tried to be better than I am. I am trying to now, I just feel it's too fucking late. I will end up alone with nothing no matter how I try to improve my life and standing in the world. Anything of value in my life will always be taken from me and I will always remain the last one standing... that's my curse. I'm always going to be here, because I know how to survive the world crumbling, I just internalize it, I weaponize it and use my anger in productive ways to try and fix the situation. Other emotions that I can't control it's not as easy, especially when I'm longing for something I can't fight for, not anymore.
Dad, I miss you like hell.
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