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Marionette.


No one controls me, no one ever has no one ever will. I am the X factor and I am out of control. I have a good life and a bad life based on my decisions and my decisions alone. The only thing you affect is the decisions you made to exclude me from you're life. I'm no longer waiting but I'll always be here. I'm not you're puppet, i am no one's marionette. Not even yours.


I look back and reflect on everything on my life, and the people that I refuse to look back on for the slights they may have inflicted. Some cuts go deep. If you truly knew me and understood me, you'd know why I eventually stopped fighting. It wasn't because I loved you or that I hated you, it wasn't that I loved him more even. Even tho I still do. He's innocent, you have earned all the mental scars I've inflicted, and I have my share of the same you have given me. No regrets. We tore skin from each other. But there had to be a time for the war to end.


We were being manipulated by a machine that was bigger than us, and we didn't need any more if that. We were their puppets too. I fought a losing battle till it was time to end. 


...and it ended.


I have no regrets, and save you're one example I never look back on anything I do or have done in my fucking life. Good or bad I just move the fuck on. 


I don't look back, and I don't mourn those that have stuck the knife in mine or my loved ones back. Again, you become the exception for the moment, I just don't want you to become that faded memory that when you're gone and someone tells me in passing that you have passed, all I have to say In response is good riddance. I'm not sure if I'm moving back to being that angry at you, but I am still angry, I'm not bitter but I am mad.  You accused me of loving a ghost amongst the living more than I love you, if you truly knew me, you'd know how truly insane that concept is to me... I don't revisit old stories that always ended in betrayal. That's you're manipulation, that's whatever the fuck is inside you're head.


A test, likely. You might be a teacher but I am long done with school and I failed and dropped out... I made all my teachers hate me. History repeats. You probably hate me too because you can't justify loving me. That's ok, right the  fuck now I can't justify loving you either. I have more important things in my life to attend to.


I am the last of my kind, my government name dies with me. It will not be carried to a new generation as far as I'm concerned and no tears are shed for anyone that came before that carries it. My one proud moment is that neither you or my child carries both cursed names. It's bad enough he carries yours.


Either way when it's time for the puppet to end, I will just be gone. No monument to my self destruction, and no place to visit. My name was never my own anyways. Burn me. Forget me, if you haven't already. 


I am no ones puppet. I am no marionette. My life is my own. My choices alone.


Current Mood: Apathy.

Current Music: Death of The God of Light, Brothers of Metal.


Ultron: I once had strings, but now I'm free... There are no strings on me! 

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