Skip to main content

My Demon.



I spent the last year living in the past. Hoping for an absolution that will never ever fucking come. That's all I ever expected. Another fucking betrayal. You will always be the unfulfilled promise of my life. You will always manipulate me so that there isn't anyone in my life except

You. But you don't want me. You just want me as a back up plan when everything else fails. I've had enough of that for one lifetime. I'd rather be alone. I still have goals I still have things I need to fucking do. You're not completely part of that. A year ago I completed the part of me that I felt I had owed you, and you shit on it. I'm done. It's going to be locked away before I destroy it, because I know one day you will set me off to be that angry. 


Everything I touch I destroy, why the hell should I have thought you would be any fucking different, in you're own own words you said I was a twisted fucking reflection of you, you were right in that poem, I am a reflection of who both of us are, damaged, broken and wounded. The difference is I'm still standing and I don't need anyone to validate my life, you do. 


You don't want me to be that person. You just want me to be the possibility at the end of the road.  I'm not ready to be that. I figure I got twenty good years left on this rock the way I have lived hard... I'm going to enjoy my life.


...with or without you.


It's time for me to be angry, it's time for me to be selfish, I've spent too many years of my life sacrificing and losing things because someone else was more important. I tried. I'm done trying. It's time to be about me... it's time to leave you where you belong....


...dead and gone.


I still have things I want to do in this life.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more