Gotham by Gaslighting II

I can’t believe that you’ve actually admitted to the gaslighting behaviour. It’s not an apology but it’s a start. I know that you think about things and you don’t discount everything that is said to you. You are the most interesting person I know and there are things about you I both love and hate. But we are getting somewhere. And maybe things will change. Maybe they won’t.

But our battles are done. And that little bit of validation? I’ll take it.

I’m happy with my little place in life right now, and more importantly at peace. Things my change and I want the two of you in my life more than anything but I’m good where I am right now. I’m waiting on you to figure out the next step. I’m good at waiting. I’ve done it all these years. All I know is I’m happier when you’re in my life and we aren’t as damaged towards us as we used to be.

Niagara Falls is home. With or without you this is my my home. Everything that’s important in my life is here. I need to seriously consider that long term. I’m waiting on you, but I need to face the reality that this is where we should stay.

We might not be happy, but we’ll be happy together. That’s all that matters. And I do like it here.

The only reason I left it because I couldn’t deal with the pain of being so close to you... both fucking times.

This time we will figure it out.. I don’t care if it takes five years or forever.

You aren’t and have never been the worst thing in my life... and I think whatever we have left has value and I think you are worth fighting for.... so I’m going to. That has value too.

Current Mood: Hurting.

Current Music: The Things We Believe In, Orden Ogan

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

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