Gotham by Gaslighting II

I can’t believe that you’ve actually admitted to the gaslighting behaviour. It’s not an apology but it’s a start. I know that you think about things and you don’t discount everything that is said to you. You are the most interesting person I know and there are things about you I both love and hate. But we are getting somewhere. And maybe things will change. Maybe they won’t.

But our battles are done. And that little bit of validation? I’ll take it.

I’m happy with my little place in life right now, and more importantly at peace. Things my change and I want the two of you in my life more than anything but I’m good where I am right now. I’m waiting on you to figure out the next step. I’m good at waiting. I’ve done it all these years. All I know is I’m happier when you’re in my life and we aren’t as damaged towards us as we used to be.

Niagara Falls is home. With or without you this is my my home. Everything that’s important in my life is here. I need to seriously consider that long term. I’m waiting on you, but I need to face the reality that this is where we should stay.

We might not be happy, but we’ll be happy together. That’s all that matters. And I do like it here.

The only reason I left it because I couldn’t deal with the pain of being so close to you... both fucking times.

This time we will figure it out.. I don’t care if it takes five years or forever.

You aren’t and have never been the worst thing in my life... and I think whatever we have left has value and I think you are worth fighting for.... so I’m going to. That has value too.

Current Mood: Hurting.

Current Music: The Things We Believe In, Orden Ogan

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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