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I’m Busy.


 


Minus one moment I have promised you already. The rest of this summer is for me and my freinds. I’m going to enjoy my life and do things with them instead of dwelling on you, I owe my freind from the uk that. It’s about being happy and having fun and I do that. A lot. I don’t need anything else in my life right now. Just good freinds and a pint of beer. That’s where I stand.


I don’t have any fucking time for anyone’s that going to take advantage of me in my life. I will abandon you. I will walk the fuck away and be cold and heartless. I have to worry about what’s mine and what’s most important to me. I don’t like feeling fed up by people I trust.


This is why me and her aren’t together. I don’t trust her. As long as I can’t trust her there is no relationship. And I desperately want to her earn that. I’m trying to figure out her birthday gift and bring her this weekend and I don’t know if it’s going to happen but I do know that after this moment and maybe an attempt around the anniversary and my birthday I won’t make another effort till December.


I’m not disposable and I’m not just there to be a back up plan or to be used by anyone. And I’m fucking feeling that of a lot of my life right now. This three weeks was supposed to be an escape. This weekend was supposed to an end to a lot of questioning. 


And now the only questioning is if I am ready to go thru with it, or if I’ll just toss my phone into the river Hull and completely walk away from everyone and everything I’ve known and find myself again somewhere else. I honestly feel that my anchors to this province and especially this region are fading away, and only the albatross remains.


But the bird of good omen is just a Skeleton around my neck. She’s made that clear. I’m only

Wanted when every other choice turns bad.


I need to decide if waiting anymore is what I really want. I’ve given that long enough.


For the moment I’m just going to enjoy my weekend. Might be my last chance to see my one freind for a long time. Might be the last time I get to go away with just the boys.


I mean this shouldn’t be my life, you should have let me stay to raise my son but these are the choices

you made. Maybe it’s time to undo them, but I don’t think you’re ready yet.


But I know that even amongst good friends I’d choose my life with you over my life with them because you have never let me down either. 


We just hurt other, that’s all it ever was. Wasn’t deliberate. I understand that now. 

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