The chess game: A Moment.

You know it sucks the most when you both offer hope and withdraw it. I have done some amazing things this month and next and we need to discuss them. But as always when we have something important to change our lives, you run from it. As always. It’s so fucking predictable. I can try but it doesn’t matter because you run away. Nothing is ever good enough for you and you like hurting me with you’re actions. But I’m the one you cry to when things falls apart and when you cry. You know where I stand, and you know I’m always going to be there. Why do you continue to play games with our and our child’s life?

I guess I should be used to it by now, you’re false promises and the bullshit that you use to rope me in? But saying stuff like you’re going to come to my regular busking spot is giving hope. I might believe you one day. I might even do something stupid in our spot in the near future. But right now you don’t give me any reason to believe, you are just giving me more and more reasons to be broken and you demolished me years ago.

I don’t know where we are going to end up but this coming and going I think you do intentionally to hurt me. Especially when I make major effort for us.

But you don’t want that. You just betray me constantly because that’s where we have always stood. That’s where we are always going to stand. That’s on you. I never betrayed you. Not fucking once.

I’m getting tired of this game. All I wanted was one moment with you. I keep trying and you keep disappointing me.

One moment. It’s all we need, but as usual it’s on you’re timeline.

I’ll see you at 50.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact. You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family. Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

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