I am dealing with some shit in my head that I don’t really want to talk to anyone about. But no matter the outcome I’m willing to accept it. I live in the real world, not some fictional reality you have created for yourself. My actions and decisions have real world consequences. I didn’t have the silver spoon the way you did. While I am glad he’s never had to want for anything. You haven’t prepared him for the real world. You’ve just lead him on a trail of trauma and tears his entire life.
No matter his decisions I’ll accept them. But that doesn’t mean this conversation is over. Not at all.
2 years ago I saw you for the first time in two decades. And we were talking about a future. This is the future. We are in the same fucking place. Neither one of us it’s willing to budge in this chess game. It’s stalemate. It’s always been stalemated.
But in the reality you live in inside you’re head one day it’ll go back to happy family. I’m not naive enough to believe that. There’s always an agenda. And there always you living in an altered state than anyone else does.
Some of us live in reality. And my reality is for the most part I don’t give a shit about you or you’re actions. I have a good life. One I have fought for. This is where I belong. With the ones I love. Is there something missing? You fucking know there is. But you made that choice a very long time ago with you’re delusions to discard me. I had to live with the results.
I suffered and struggled trying to do the right thing. Now you are fucking jealous that I have the better and superior life because I am a good person and you are clearly not. I’m not a manipulator. If my house of cards falls down I just rebuild it. You aren’t capable of the sane actions, ever. You need someone else to justify you. I never did.
I sacrificed for years to try and prove something to you and try and be the best version of myself, only for you to constantly Stab the knife. You don’t live in this reality. Only in you’re delusions. Delusions that affect others and there lives and there emotions.
One day he will figure that out. But I’m done either way living in you’re fictional reality. I like living in my legendary reality instead.
I’ll continue to do so.
The saddest part is I’m not even angry anymore. Or even wanting to fight just to say I never lost the war, mush less the battle.
I’m simply not interested in continuing the conversation. I like my life the way it is. Unless there is a reality of something actually changing, I’m going to live in my reality and let you continue on with you’re fictional reality. I’ll live in mine. My real one.
Comments