I’m done fighting. No one will ever make me Pick up my sword agian. Unless they hurt you or my son. But otherwise my wars are done, even my wars with you.
Im sick of you using my emotions against me, why do you think I weaponized your last emotion you had left against you, that little piece of glass you keep begging to see but I have never placed in your hand for a reason, you really think that you have any control? The ring exists because it gives me control of the situation. When will you realize that. I don’t have to fight, and I don’t have to back down. I did what was right for as long as I had to.
It’s twilight now, I’m enjoying my life and enjoying my interests and my life. You can join me or be cast aside, honestly it makes no difference.
The sad thing is that I know every phone call you make always has an agenda. You and I both know what that agenda is. You want me involved you know what the price of that involvement is, I make no bones about that. But I know what you need and what you want. I just don’t have patience to stand around waiting to play babysitter agian.
That’s you’re battle and you’re fight, not mine. Why the fuck should involve myself. You didn’t need me then even though I had tried to make contact.
You only need me when it suits you’re heart or your agenda. It’s not the ruins of my life I’m surveying any more, it’s what remains of the crumbled masses of your life… and you want me to help pick up the pieces in the wrong direction. Just because there is forgiveness and understanding doesn’t mean my opinion has changed. I still see things in black and white, all painted down with a coat of red blood. I have forgiven parts of our lives together. You are right some of it is shared pain. But I haven’t forgotten any of it.
I know what awaits when I close my eyes, it’s not the nightmares of my childhood that keep me awake till all hours of the night. It’s the nightmares of my sons childhood. I haven’t never forgotten what it is that you took away.
So play your agenda, and keep me adjacent, but if they ever ask for honesty you might be surprised by my truthful responses. I’m not on your team yet, I’m just sympathetic to the fact that end all of us are family, and that’s a choice you made to bond us by blood a long time ago… so I will always feel. But I’m not blind, or as stupid as you pretend me to be.
I’m not fighting with you, I’m not fighting your battles either, nor will I make those battles harder for you. I am neutral, the only real concern is how it will affect my child. But if needed if you give me a reason to have a hand in, I would join you in this fight… regardless of my personal opinions towards the matter.
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