Party Like Tomorrow Is The End Of The World!!!

My world ended a very long time ago. I’m just reanimating the corpse now. Everything that has ever been important to me in this life is broken in someway or another. The concerts and events are just an escape now. It reminds me of a life I once had before I forced myself to grow up and be a fucking asshole… err… I mean adult. I’d rather be that guy that didn’t care, I’d rather live for today and do the things that make me happy with my life long freinds that have been there thru a lot of this shit…

The rest of you, we know only one of the estranged is ride or die… and even then her allegeninces at the end are questionable. No one else that says they are gonna hang are around.

I’m gonna party tonight and have a good happy time, because that’s the fucking plan. That’s the way things are now. It’s funny that the fact I’m less materialistic and less about chasing dreams that turned to Knightmare, has led to a greater freedom. I’ve done everything I ever needed to do. I know I’m a good person. But tonight, the Devil gets to come out and play.

Part of this is trying to feel something, anything to make my world feel right agian. The problem is that it isn’t. And I’m not really fucking feeling anything. Just depression. One million miles an hour and all I do is hit a fucking brick wall.

It ain’t nothing new. There are more moments that are bullshit than there are one that make me happy at this fucking point. And when there are people that make me feel like shit for living my life the way I choose without harming anyone and without the self destruction I used to… makes me think fuck it. Let’s forget about self improvement, let’s have some self destruction, me and my choices, no one cares anyways. I’m just occupying a space no one wants me in. I’m a fucking burden. So when I move on and disappear who the fuck cares.

I’ve lived. That’s all that matters.

People that live in glass houses shouldn’t pass judgement on a fucking juggernaut. I will walk the fuck away. Just because I have fun with my life doesn’t mean I’m not suffering. I’m making fucking choices and those that I am forced to care about. You have no idea the sacrifices I’ve made to keep my head above water. It’s gonna take a lot more to kill me, but there are levels of survival I should never had to endure because of someone else’s selfish needs. Yet I’ve had a good life in spite of all that.

If tomorrow is the end I’m good with that.

The man who has to beg for love is the most miserable of all beggars.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

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