My world ended a very long time ago. I’m just reanimating the corpse now. Everything that has ever been important to me in this life is broken in someway or another. The concerts and events are just an escape now. It reminds me of a life I once had before I forced myself to grow up and be a fucking asshole… err… I mean adult. I’d rather be that guy that didn’t care, I’d rather live for today and do the things that make me happy with my life long freinds that have been there thru a lot of this shit…
The rest of you, we know only one of the estranged is ride or die… and even then her allegeninces at the end are questionable. No one else that says they are gonna hang are around.
I’m gonna party tonight and have a good happy time, because that’s the fucking plan. That’s the way things are now. It’s funny that the fact I’m less materialistic and less about chasing dreams that turned to Knightmare, has led to a greater freedom. I’ve done everything I ever needed to do. I know I’m a good person. But tonight, the Devil gets to come out and play.
Part of this is trying to feel something, anything to make my world feel right agian. The problem is that it isn’t. And I’m not really fucking feeling anything. Just depression. One million miles an hour and all I do is hit a fucking brick wall.
It ain’t nothing new. There are more moments that are bullshit than there are one that make me happy at this fucking point. And when there are people that make me feel like shit for living my life the way I choose without harming anyone and without the self destruction I used to… makes me think fuck it. Let’s forget about self improvement, let’s have some self destruction, me and my choices, no one cares anyways. I’m just occupying a space no one wants me in. I’m a fucking burden. So when I move on and disappear who the fuck cares.
I’ve lived. That’s all that matters.
People that live in glass houses shouldn’t pass judgement on a fucking juggernaut. I will walk the fuck away. Just because I have fun with my life doesn’t mean I’m not suffering. I’m making fucking choices and those that I am forced to care about. You have no idea the sacrifices I’ve made to keep my head above water. It’s gonna take a lot more to kill me, but there are levels of survival I should never had to endure because of someone else’s selfish needs. Yet I’ve had a good life in spite of all that.
If tomorrow is the end I’m good with that.
The man who has to beg for love is the most miserable of all beggars.
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