This has always been about me and you, and your fucking choices. You want control and I won’t allow it so you put it back on me, you can’t control an agent of chaos. I’m always going to be that. If I’m going to be true to my fucking nature, I don’t let anyone fuckin control me.
You want my love you have that, but don’t ever expect me to give you control. That’s not a fucking reality. No one controls a wild beast and I refuse to believe at this late stage that I am anything more than a feral creature lost alone in the wilderness. You had the chance to tame this wild heart 2 decades ago, the time for that is done.
Accept me as I am now or fuck the fuck right off. This is me stripped to the bone, this is who I am, this is the monster you have created. I’d rather be this than any other version of me. This version of me is always going to be the strongest, of the strong.
I don’t need anyone and there bullshit emotional games. Especially when it’s the one who needs me and the reality I represent a lot fucking more than I need her. You have one part and only one part of the equation other than the emotions that rage within, and keep in mind it’s equal parts love, rage and anger. Don’t forget that. There will always be a bitterness and a sadness for what was lost no matter what happens if it fixes itself… but there are days when one no longer turns it to that. You turn my own words against me when I’m being sweet and I’ll turn that sweetness to fucking poison and weaponize it.
We’ve been here before, i have no problem putting the wall back up. If you haven’t noticed with the way I’ve been going and going like the energizer bunny celebrating my birthday this month. You aren’t needed. Im fine on my own.
Enough with the mind games. I’ll just go silent and you’ll get ignored again. Did you like it this week when you needed me or where you frustrated? Because 100 percent I didn’t need the heaviness you placed on my doorstep
With your first words to me in days…
I may love you, I may have even fucking forgiven you for the decades past and the war, but you can’t expect me to let you ever control me or my thoughts. Im always going to stand tall and independent and never let anyone demean or control me, you taught me that by trying to make me the junior partner.
I don’t do authority and I don’t do control and you represent both. Jesus Christ, I have attachment issues with everyone in my life, what makes you think you’d be any different? Here’s the saddest fucking thing, you I tried with. Everyone else, they just faded.
I may love you, I may want the fairytale ending that gives us the happy family moment, but right now that’s not our reality.. right now it’s just the fire and flames…
You’ve made you’re choice, I’m just waiting for you to chose you’re final choice.
You have eleven months left. That’s it. Final. It will be Done.
Fuck me or forget about me. I’m done playing these foolish high school games. You know where I stand.
And I have no problem standing here alone.I’ve sat alone long enough on my throne of pain. If we are spinning in circles it will end soon enough, but I will know that i tried .
One day you will do or do something again, and it will piss me off enough that it will end up in Lake Ontario or elsewhere. And on that day. We will be truly done. No more games. No Fucks given. Never any remorse. I’ll just move forward same as I always gave.
But for once the one object in my rear view mirror I was willing to look back for, will be done. Not a memory, not an option, just a highway of bad road, you’re already the worst lesson I ever had to learn in my life… soon you won’t even be the last battle I’ve ever had to fight. You’ll be nothing.
You’re days of choices are ending.
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