Skip to main content

God/Devil




I am too damn stubborn to tell you how much I am hurting and need you. I’d rather play the devil and the demon and every villain in your story than ever give you that little victory. I’ll stand my ground for as long as I have to.


The line has been drawn and the rules are clear. You have to come to me, I have no interest or energy left to come to you. You know the request needed. Otherwise all we do is spin our fucking heels pretending. I’m done pretending. We lost twenty years being angry. A lifetime. His lifetime. I’m done being angry.


I’m not done being stubborn. I can find a kind of peace without you. Im fine with that. I’ll be your devil for asking as you need to me to be. Everyone needs someone to blame even at that core of her humanity she may love me. Her actions speak otherwise. Mine do not. I live my life by the rules and ethics I always have. I may not always like you, sometimes I love you, sometimes I hate you, but I’ve always tried to respect you. 


I’ve buried your secrets deep within because of that. I don’t want to destroy someone I love with all my heart. But I can destroy that part of my heart that does love you the way it does. It may be unconditional but it can end. It has before. It can again. 


I’m sick of hurting because you choose tiny moments to come in and out of my life, and there is no real stability. Just because I have always been there doesn’t mean that I’m always going to be there. My life can change or end in a instant and you are giving me no reason at this point to stand still. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world.  I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works.  You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun. 
Post a Comment
Read more