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New Years Evil: The Villain.



And a new chapter in my life begins, I have made many of the last attempts I’m am going to make for a very long time. The next eight months I’m going to do my best to move on because I won’t be asking any questions until the promised time. I’m done. True Color’s were always shown despite the years false promises.


That’s always the way. It’s only been 19 years since everything turned to ash for the last time. Not my choice and not my decisions. I just had to go into Phoenix mode and do what I always do and dance in the flames and be reborn.


You know there is a difference between silence and anger. But at the end of the day all I want is peace in my life and if that means I have to completely ignore someone because of her fucking actions I can drop you cold like you never existed. I don’t play games like I’m a child anymore and I don’t do fucking drama. I don’t cause my own and I wouldn’t bring it to your doorstop the way you did mine either. 


But agian, one of us needs to fucking grow up and the reality is one of us needs to fucking fade away for good. I’m starting to think that is the safest course of action for my mental health. I made peace with you a long time ago. You’re continued presence in my life isn’t a safe one, it’s just a distraction.  Maybe it’s time to decide to have that peace that I need to completely walk away and let you hate me for it.  


I’ve always been the bad guy and the villain in your fucking story anyways, that’s the way you fucking like it anyways. No point in pretending there’s anything more. I’m just a puppet on your string for attention when you feel bad. My emotions are of our consequence. Time for them to no longer affect either of us in your direction.


I won’t be there tonight. I never even thought of it as an option. Maybe one day you’ll call and it won’t be an illusion. But you showed how little you thought of me on Christmas Day. I can play the heel a little while longer, you know like the rest of our fucking life. You never needed me, you just needed me not to be with someone else. That’s not how this works, you and I both know that. The only reason I stay single is because I know that you will attempt to ruin that relationship with anyone else. I don’t want to repeat putting that pain on any other person. One was enough.


So I play the bad guy in your story. That’s ok, One of us is Miserable, and one of us isn’t. Funny how life works out. I’m fine with how things are. My life is fine without you. I don’t need you in my life unless you want to be there. And there are days where I don’t want you there anyways. 


It’s been 19 years since you made me the villain of you’re fucking story. I deserved better. I was never the problem and you never gave us a chance. I won’t be there tonight and you’ve given me no reason to even seriously consider it, even tho I desperately want to surprise you one day with the romantic bullshit, I also know my heart wants one thing… and logic is a completely different animal. I usually think with my emotions and make decisions based on that, but for once I’m making the logical decision. You’ll call anyways. But no more fools errands. 


Maybe when you’re ready I’ll be sitting on that corner, and as much as I do agree with you it would be romantic for it to be New Year’s Eve, I also know how utterly fuckin insane that sounds. So yeah, I’ll take a pass, maybe at the twenty year mark. 


I’m the parachute and the ultimate back up plan when No one is left in the wilderness. Yeah, that’s never been my style.


I’ll be the Villain  instead.

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