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Last Christmas.



There are few days I am truly at peace with you. Today is one of them. I truly don’t want to ever fight agian with you. But I will always leave the door open on Christmas Day. This is one of our only good moments. No one can take that away. The door is open figuratively and physically. I am here. I’m not going anywhere. Dinner is offered as well.


You may get my peace today, even when there are times that I am angry. But that has more to do with him than it will ever do with you. I just don’t want to fight our never ending battle on the one day of the year when someone else matters more. I’ll make this offer every fucking year if I have to. It will always be peace. It will always mean more than you and I. 


And that’s the problem it always should have meant more than you and I. But those were you’re Choices. Not mine. 


The reservation is booked, it’s your decision whether or not you show up.  That’s your decison, mine is to always try. No matter what it costs me.


That’s what you do when you love someone, even more when you love two someone’s.


His gifts are here too. As is yours.


I don’t know how many more years I can keep trying but at least I can look at him one day and tell him that I tried. I will always try. That’s who I am. You know that. 


I will always try, despite that, I am afraid of the actual day you say yes. I want this to work but I would be an idiot not to fear it.


I’m here. I made the effort. I’m worthy. It’s your choice to act on it. I can’t promise I’ll do the same next year. I love you both.


Christmas is about forgiveness too. And we should be a family. At least for one day. 

All I’m asking.

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