It’s still the same old chess games, only difference is the rules have changed slightly and at this point in my life I am both willing to walk away because it’s stalemate or stick around for the eventual black queens checkmate. I have a few moves left, and none of them are out of anger but I think that a few more moves will be all I have left.
You no longer hold any kind of hold on me and stay static in my life because I have other responsibilities, but I am starting to reconsider who and what I am in terms of you, him and those other responsibilities. I can grow numb and broken again and I will not care.
You’ve seen me cold and heartless at my worst once. But never towards you. It was only ever anger. But I can walk away permanently from everything I’ve ever known, I have done in multiple times in my life, I’m not stranger to it. I’ll walk away again if I have to.
I can’t change the game, but I can change the expectations of the game. That’s what I am considering right now. Making a change. Doing something else. Putting you permanently in our back pages.
I have one or two moves left to play this year before I withdraw what’s left of my pieces on the board but I haven’t forgotten than I was more than willing to walk away completely after my life was completely destroyed six years ago. I walked away for mental health and inner peace, I have no problem doing it again, I never expected you to return to my life or be a constant promise without anything else given the last few years.
I grew up inside that box, I don’t think that you ever have, and your responsible for a life that I helped to create. So I have to be involved in your life, but I don’t have to be actively involved in your life, nor do you need to be in mine…
After all I’m still what I think I have always been.
…An Afterthought
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