Happy Ending Story.

All I ever wanted was one fucking moment. Just one. That’s all I ever asked you for. That’s all we ever needed. It isn’t just about the two of us. There are three of us. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll walk away forever. But we owe the child we never had any moments together with one fucking moment. That’s the only reason I keep trying.

One day you will wake up, one day you will grow up and realize all of that. And what you destroyed and what you have fucking lost. I just hope I’m still standing and not a corpse when that moment comes.

All I ever wanted was to give you beautiful moment. One you deserved. One just as much as for me as for him. Validation that you were the one woman in the world I loved the most. But you have to make it about you first. Everything is to your agenda and on your timeline. I’m sick of it.

He deserved his moment too. A moment you constantly deny for selfish fucking reasons. You talk a lot of pretty words but that’s all you fucking do. One day I will fade away and I will be gone. And he will ask you where all those moments went. You’ll have to lie to him because if he goes to my kin asking about all those happy moments not only will he have the paper, he will know that I tried. Every damn time. I always tried.

I just wanted to give us a happy ending story. But that meant I would have won the war. A war that ended six long fucking years ago. A war that ended by a third party interference if what you say is true.

I’m not sure today if that’s true.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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