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Ain’t it Fun?



There is the fact that you don’t live in this world that you want my permission to leave, sorry Pinocchio , I’ve been been free the last 2 1/2 years… the court order is done, there is nothing left for you to hold on to… nothing but your illusions. That’s the reality of things… I don’t care what you do I just want you and him safe and happy and every time I talk to you I don’t hear that in your voice… meanwhile im coming down from 3 days with my friends in niagara where you weren’t even thought of once… 


The person that entertains your delusions doesn’t live here anymore… I gave my word 4 years ago.. I have no problem keeping it… but when I made that promise I expected something different to be the place both of us were standing today.  Instead it’s a status quo except I’m a living emotional crutch… 


The fact that due to circumstances I have some permanence in my life means you can do what you want… but here’s the things… that straw that’s breaking the camels back is wearing very thin and my choice to be here could change… health issues related to others could change… don’t always count on my life being as simple as it right now… it wasn’t before.. it won’t be agian. 


You try to justify being in love with me or not being in love with me, it doesn’t matter there is no trust and respect between us… you can’t reconcile everything that you have done… esp this coming month.  It doesn’t matter how I feel about you… I’m using logic not emotions to deal with it. The smart centre of my brain says to put up a wall and be defensive… it’s just another moment like all the rest where all that it’ll end in is disappointment. You aren’t ready… you might never be.


Not my problem, I’m happy, I’m in a good place and I’m enjoying my life with my friends. All I need. 


I once had strings, but now I'm free... There are no strings on me!


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