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Tolerate.



I don’t let problematic people into my life anymore. If I tolerate you now, despite all your flaws and the knife in my back every time you keep coming back, it’s only an expression of the deep feeling I have and have always had for you. However, that isn’t the blood tie that binds us… you and I know that. I walked away once and never looked back. You betrayed me and I had no fucking reason to ever look back in to see how you were doing.


Little did I know that was the only the beginning of your little betrayals. I wish I could live in your world, but one of us has to live in reality. One of us has to be the Noble demon and answer for all of our sins. God knows it will never be you and you’re altered reality Alice. 


Brick by boring brick I rebuilt my fucking world, it’s not much but at least it’s mine.  I get to be angry. I get to hold a grudge. Every olive branch that you’ve fucking burned. I’m done. I may have given you my word. But that moment is almost upon us. And once it’s done it’s done. 


I have always pretended that I was strong enough to deal with all of this… it’s getting harder daily. I have no illusions anymore. But I’m not feeling cat and mouse games either. Not anymore. The chess game is over. The pieces were demolished long ago.


It’s time we both learned to live with that. I’m trying to be patient and understanding and keep it civil. But I gave you a timeline and that moment arrives soon 


My life is epic and interesting. Yours isn’t.  That’s what makes you the most jealous. My life is successful in spite of you and I’ve never needed to you to survive or thrive. I never will.


You are simply tolerated as part of my life when you choose to be. 


I don’t like your choices and your half truths about our history is one reason I will never trust you. No trust no respect no relationship. No matter how I feel it’s in my best interest mentally to keep you at arms length.


Forever. 

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