Skip to main content

Damaged.



You weren't picky about who got hurt. Still aren't. So don't preach at us like you're some kind of saint. You're just another sinner.


I am simply what came next. This is your creation. I weaponized myself against the pure soul I once was because you destroyed that.  I can clean up nice. I can even pretend that things are different, I can forget yesterday for a moment in a bottle, but it’s not your bottle. 


But never mistake. I am not nice. I am not yours. I never will be again. I am in control of my life rather than riding the waves of chaos I did as a child and when we were together.  I am in the drivers seat rather than pretending that one day you might come back and save me….


… there wasn’t a soul left to save on the first place. You destroyed that a decade ago.  You knew I was broken and you chipped away at all the good that was left until you got to the black core. And that’s all that is left of me now. 


That’s who I choose to be. An evil man who does good things for those that I love. And the man who stays away and watches other loved ones from the outskirts because I don’t want to poison their souls the way that you poisoned mine. 


You may be my ride or die, but this death ride is a fucking hearse, and I bought you the long black coat a long time ago.  You’ll always be there, I’ll always be here. And eventually one of us will drag the other back down again. 


Inevitable. No illusions. You’ve destroyed every other relationship I’ve ever had. And most of my attachments… and you wonder why I have built up walls to protect those that I have left. I know eventually most of them will fade away anyways and I’ll be left with you regardless. But that’s why I enjoy my life now… and if I crash and burn while doing so…


… well that was always the fucking plan. Blaze of glory, I’m just getting too old to pretend that it was ever going to be anything fucking else…


You’re the one that’s still broken not me, I just don’t have the energy to try and fix you and end up with nothing for my efforts anymore.


You aren’t the only one I’ll easily walk away from either. I have little to no time for anyones bullshit at this point of my life. I actually respect your silence sometimes. Others not so much. At least when it comes to you and I we think we know where the boundaries are. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.
Post a Comment
Read more

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more