Skip to main content

Go To Hell.




I have lost twenty years of someone else's life because of you, i wasn't even important to be contacted to mourn. i don't feel anything, just the anger that has always been a part of me. But it shows at the End how little i was respected or thought of. Then agian you were excommunicated from my life in my teens, and I simply don't think of you. you are simply just another  person that doesn't exist to me. simply forgotten. 


i was busy having fun the day you died. That is a victory of sorts, and No fucks given.


Then again I am, and was everything you would never have been. I fought, I did things and I stood on my own two feet. i still do. Its gonna be a lot easier to walk thru my home downtown now. ill still bate it here because of you but i wont be looking over my shoulder anymore. i simply don't care. 


i have no regrets only the one that it wasn't my hand at you're throat when it should have been multiple times. I don't want to ever be you. i spent my life running away from here, from Hamilton, from everything that you are. That was always by design. I ran from and rejected everything that you are. because thats not who i am. i am something else.


i may be a monster but thats of my own creation. You don't even deserve the dignity of being remembered. therefor you won't be. its what you deserved. so be it.


i am sick of the world you created for all of us and the only reason i stay where i am is responsibility here. but there are days  like fucking today where it would be easy to day fuck it all and throw it all away and be somewhere else.


the only difference if i stay, if i go, if i even give a damn, there will be people to fucking mourn me. unlike you. 


good riddance. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more