I Do hate the world, and what it and you have made me. there is no prison i have ever been in, and don't forget i was raised in one... that is worse than the one in my own fuckin head. its so much easier to withdraw and hate everyone than keep trying. even those that you love will eventually fucking betray you. So be it.
You want me to be a monster, your demon and devil? fuck it ill embrace it. I've never pretended to be a good person, I have just tried to be one. but there is no ignoring my true nature. i'm one with the darkness, and my own demons no longer scare me the way the should you. I embrace all the bad sides of my nature because i know that there are worst things out there.
I am getting real sick of everyone's bullshit. when my life goes to ruin and some people are around to not contribute,I am fine. i'm always fine because i force myself to do it on my own, and i move the heavy chess peices on my own for any fuckin plans i have ever made.
but i'm starting to have a real lack of fuckin faith in anyone in my life that gives me their word. all i have is my word. they took everything else away. but other peoples promises just ring hollow and actions prove them worthless. i guess i can live with that. but i don't have to like it.
these pathetic plastic people that are ancillary to my life that expect things because we are occasional friends can go fuck themselves. I almost ghosted a dear freind over much smaller yet more important bullshit. i wont think twice about someone that makes me fuckin feel like all i do for them is offer small things and when things fall apart because of there indecisive behaviours i don't nt need to be fucking blamed. i have good freinds and good people in my life. i dont need fake plastic people from these fucking conventions in my life. I did enjoy being the Wizard but it may be time to walk away.
i don't need anyone or anything affecting my personal life or making me feel guilty that i couldn't do for them on a moments fuckin notice. i can barely afford to keep my and my owns head above water. anyone that thinks that I'm going to do for them especially after they have already once tried to take advantage of me can fuck right off.
I have enough scars and skeletons rattling around in this old melon to ever make someone elses issues or drama my own. you and all the fake plastic pathetic people can fuck right off.
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