I need to make a Decision and choose some actions sooner than later. time is running out. I know that I'm not the only one afraid of it, but some days like today you really have to think of things and put yourself in the others shoes and wonder if we are better as a unit than as a broken, flawed fucked up family that jist has things as status quo.
my problem isnt the when, those moments have already been decided. I've just tried to accelerate the process the last few years and you weren't ready. but the time in the hourglass has ran out. there are two true moment's left and they are a year apart. Its the how. there have been a few perfect moments that were ignored but i did try. i will always try. same as i will always be here.
But all of that, is always on my terms. I've earned that.
There is a black hole in our lives and its where you live. i left twice. i only looked back for you once, and i only came back for two years because of him. its not my favourite place and i would only go Home if you invited me to. there is nothing for me there. and even less for you. i just wish it hadn't taken this long for you to realize that fact. thats not the world i want our son in either.
start over, with or without me. somewhere new is always in your best interest. i have reasons that i chose to stay here but thats on me and my responsibilities both to you and to others. but i live in a place i hate because other things are more important. but i have options so do you. explore them.
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