Poundcake Pipe Dreams

There were at least 3 songs tonight that i could have and would have popped out the ring out with. each of them had significance. but we aren't, and possibly will never be there yet. Our lives are drifting apart again and what was once important to me in regaining, is now becoming an afterthought again. I am happy and satisfied with my current lot in life and just being in orbit isn't enough to make a big sweeping change. i will be there soon to keep my fucking word but i have no expectations. but it would have been nice tonight to ask during why can't this be Love or or when its love.

sorry babe, they didn't play hot for teacher. But we aren't ready regardless. one day ill just find another moment. but tonight? might have been a nice moment. first time i regret not pursuing you harder to come to something with me.

then agian, just like whatever i am in your life, you are an afterthought in mine... i just thought of you a lot during some of our love songs, But its still meaningless...

unless something changes, if anything ever does. all I'm saying is that there was a pretty moment available... but we aren't people for pretty moments are we? we are a fractured Fucking fairy tale where the best we can say about each other is that we are the least worst options in each others lives long term.

it still would have been nice to ask you tonight, just to see what you would say. i thought of you a lot. but you weren't at my side, so whatever pipe dream i had, it was just an illusion. but it was a nice thought that one of these songs could have been the one.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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