Skip to main content

Wait and Bleed

 


There are reasons i stand my ground and I don't back down from this. not from you, not from anyone in your life. I'm always going to be there. whether you or i like it or not, this is the sword i sacrifice myself on. 


The ultimate reality is that you need me more in your life than i need you in mine. and its a flawed sense of responsibility that keeps me coming around and dealing with all of your shit. i walked away 5 years ago to protect you and him, why the fuck are you still in orbit? its been almost 20 years since it ended. 


This is our last moment, wherever it goes from here, It will end. there has to be an ending, this thing cannot remain open ended. we need to finish the story, we need to finish the chess game. we have been at stalemate long enough. 


There are moments, but I planned this one a long time. And there’s always an excuse or something happens and leaves it the way it always is, unresolved. 


I walked away once to protect you, at this point I’m considering walking away a second time to protect my mental health. 


I have a good life, and good things... I don’t need anyone in my life that doesn’t want to be there. I am busy having epic adventures with my family and friends... that’s all I need. We all know what’s missing, but this is my retirement. I have enough responsibilities I’ll fulfill but this is me enjoying my life and Doing all the things I sacrificed in my twenties and thirties to be something else. That jobs done now. 




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Return To The Abyss.

If anyone thinks they can take advantage of me and the people I care about, they are sadly mistaken. I walk away from people I love because of their bullshit. Someone who is merely there in my life? Yeah, I’m fucking out. I don’t need emotional vampires that suck me dry in my life. I will walk away from anything and everything at this point. I no longer give a damn about anything other than myself when it comes to your opinion.  This decision and many others have been a long fucking time coming and to be honest I’m better off doing my own thing alone and solo. Because it’s better off for all involved. There’s still a temper and there is still the old me hidden underneath this attempt at seeking peace. I’m not a nice guy, I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. And I’m not keeping my fucking mouth shut.  No one fucking uses me, Period. And thats all I’ve felt I’ve been over the last few years. By a number of people in my professional life and my personal life. So maybe at this mom...
Post a Comment
Read more