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50.

I’m not there. Maybe for the anniversary. Maybe for Christmas. Maybe next year. But I’m not there today. I want to be. But I never expected after all these years, and especially all the work put in the last five years, to be this fucking angry with each other still on your fiftieth birthday, yes, I do love you, I’ll observe in it in my special way. Yes, I’ll take that phone call today and send the usual message. 

But I have no intentions of being where I should be agian, we aren’t there yet. I don’t want to ruin your special day with false hope. We aren’t there yet. So I’m not there. I’m beginning to wonder if we will ever be there. Maybe it’s better if we are not. 

That being said one day I will make some kind of effort to make that happen, it just won’t be today. Today is your day. 

Just know you are loved and have a happy day, and I’ll find another one. Today it’s Unconditional.

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