Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

I’m not angry. I’m apathetic. All I want is for you and him to have a nice Christmas. I tried to be a part of that as usual but it’s clear that I’m not needed so less and less of an attempt was made. I’ll do things, but I won’t put the effort into them I usually do.

Today is devoid of anger and I just wish you peace. I just wish you were here with me. I miss waking up beside you on Christmas Day, it used to mean something. I’ve never done that with anyone else by choice, I’ve always been elsewhere on Christmas Day.

It meant something to see him with his gifts too. I always tried to give him a good Christmas, I have tried for years to do it even in my absence, his gifts are here. Your gifts are here. I’m here.

Christmas always meant something to us as a family, it should have stayed that way, the world got in the way… as usual this is where we stand. A Christmas truce, because I can be angry tomorrow.

Today, I just want the day to be full of good cheer and for you and him to have a happy Christmas. That’s all I need. Or want.

Dinner has been offered if you want to come. I just want you and him to have a happy day. I just wish I was there.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no lon...

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to...

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