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Happy Xmas (War Is Over)



I’m not angry. I’m apathetic. All I want is for you and him to have a nice Christmas. I tried to be a part of that as usual but it’s clear that I’m not needed so less and less of an attempt was made. I’ll do things, but I won’t put the effort into them I usually do. 


Today is devoid of anger and I just wish you peace. I just wish you were here with me. I miss waking up beside you on Christmas Day, it used to mean something. I’ve never done that with anyone else by choice, I’ve always been elsewhere on Christmas Day. 


It meant something to see him with his gifts too. I always tried to give him a good Christmas, I have tried for years to do it even in my absence, his gifts are here. Your gifts are here. I’m here. 


Christmas always meant something to us as a family, it should have stayed that way, the world got in the way… as usual this is where we stand. A Christmas truce, because I can be angry tomorrow. 


Today, I just want the day to be full of good cheer and for you and him to have a happy Christmas. That’s all I need. Or want. 


Dinner has been offered if you want to come. I just want you and him to have a happy day. I just wish I was there. 

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