This Christmas (I'll Burn It To The Ground)

I’m hurting, but I can deal with it. Being ignored at Christmas sucks. I deserved better. This is status quo for the rest of my life tho. One day I’ll just grow cold and stop caring. Again. Probably better for all involved.

But Christmas is supposed to mean hope. I try to honour that. One day a year I won’t fight with you and I’ll always try to do something for the three of us. But if I’m not good enough. So be it.

I choose to be happy. That’s my Christmas in the casino with the loved one I’m with and busy taking care of right now. Dinner is still offered tomorrow I’ll let you know when in the morning. I’ll still try. But you being in my life isn’t dependant on me being happy, I’m happy anyways… I have a good life. I’ll continue to have a good and happy life.

You were missed this Christmas. I hope you and my son had a good one anyways. I brought one of his gifts if you decide to show up for dinner. I don’t expect you to. I will still offer. That’s my nature. Merry Christmas. Peace and joy. You’ll get another day of me not being angry at you, maybe a few more.

Merry Christmas, I love you both.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no lon...

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to...

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