I don’t care. I don’t have time to care anymore. I have my reasons for doing shit and while they will continue I know exactly where you and I stand. I’m good with that. Id rather have an honest enemy than someone who faked affection for me when she needs something. I’m happy with my life and I’m under not pretensions that things will ever change anymore. There are better uses of my energy in this life than being angry.
I don’t need or want you in my life. It has been twenty years since you mattered. All you want is control and to have that so I don’t slip away. That’s not how it works. I am free of all your bullshit and the longer it is the easier it is to walk away from everything I once was with you. We were a cup of coffee in a generation that didn’t make an sense. Why the hell do we still even continue to exist to each other. He’s grown. It’s time for me to walk away.
These emotions hurt and as much as I bury them all it takes is one phone call or one text from you and they come back to the forefront. And you fucking know that. I swear you fucking hate me to bring them back so many times. You know I can’t turn it off, and while I may not want to… I don’t want them at the forefront of my life either.
I am done trying. I don’t need this stress or drama in my life. Id rather have the status quo of us hating each other. At least there is a beauty in that, an honesty. I was a fool to think otherwise. You don’t want it, for some reason you just want to manipulate things… haven’t I shown you over the last 25 years how much of a bad idea it is to try and manipulate me, how much of a bad idea it is to control me? I don’t do these things. Either be my equal or get the fuck out of my way.
I don’t need you in my life to be constant drama and to hurt me. I can self inflict enough pain on my own. I don’t need you to add to that. I never have. I never will. I was damaged when you met me, I was even more damaged when you left me. That isn’t a healthy fucking relationship. Whatever you want now I don’t even know what to consider.
I don’t need you to keep coming in and out of my life without rhyme or reason. I’m perfectly fine without the two of you in my life. That was always your fucking choice. What hurts is you remaining in orbit with no real answers or resolution. You once kept me grounded in a place I wanted nothing more than to leave. And now that grounded moment has turned into a gravestone.
I don’t need or want you in my life unless you’re going to fully to commit. I don’t need you in my life on the periphery. I have enough friends for that. We were always better as star crossed enemies. At least that way the battle
Lines were drawn and the rules of engagement were clear.
Whatever this is, whatever we are. It’s going to continue isn’t it? As long as I allow it.
Maybe it’s time I move on, for myself and try to forget who I am, who I used to be. The fact I have a child out there. I’m not wanted anyways. Maybe it’s finally time to move in on from you.
I’ve made enough sacrifices on your behalf.
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