I don't know the next step anymore. There are things in my world that aren't making any fucking sense both here and elsewhere and my patience level is extremely fucking low. There is an option and an escape mechanism. I know what's being offered and what's being given to me in this life are two different things and that the reality is that I'm only going to be status quo and more and more miserable the longer it continues. I need a new life. I shouldn't be nostalgic for miserable moments in my life, but even in my misery those moments I seemed to have both more and more things to do... now I just sit and do nothing and there is the same repetitive bullshit every day with no change. Is there daylight? Or is it just fucking darkness. 5 years of nothingness today isn't helping either. I'm sick of being the reasonable and responsible one when I have fucking lost everything. Why do I still have to be here? I accept my responsibilities all of th...