The Bard's Song: In The Forest

This is who I am. This is all the world.allows me to be, and somehow you have a romantic notion that its a good place to be, the nomad, the bard, playing his guitar. Just moving on. Youre the only reason I ever choose to put down roots, and that umbilical cord has turned into a noose. Im stuck her for better or worse without you. Because despite options I know the reality is I need to deal with all responsibilities. That keeps me here. That keeps me grounded in the moment I'm in.

I get to be me. The constant entertainer. Who you passed by in life and gave no accord. I'm just here. I don't matter. I'm just the pathetic sad clown. Moving on. But it is to my own drum because its always had to be. Nobody and nothing is changing that. You couldn't then. Why bother trying now.

I go to the pit to release aggravation. And to deal with the skeletons in my head. But music is always what brought me to the table. The fact I get to enjoy it on my own terms now means everything.

I have a good life, and I sit upon my throne. Am I alone? Sure... but all that means is no distractions. Why would I want to share my life? Its not like the one person who understands wants it. And I'm not sure after this latest round what I want. The only thing i know for sure is I want to be me, for as long as humanly possible.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday. Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

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