Hall Of The Pumpkin King.

I don't know the next step anymore. There are things in my world that aren't making any fucking sense both here and elsewhere and my patience level is extremely fucking low. There is an option and an escape mechanism. I know what's being offered and what's being given to me in this life are two different things and that the reality is that I'm only going to be status quo and more and more miserable the longer it continues. I need a new life. I shouldn't be nostalgic for miserable moments in my life, but even in my misery those moments I seemed to have both more and more things to do... now I just sit and do nothing and there is the same repetitive bullshit every day with no change.

Is there daylight? Or is it just fucking darkness. 5 years of nothingness today isn't helping either. I'm sick of being the reasonable and responsible one when I have fucking lost everything. Why do I still have to be here? I accept my responsibilities all of them but there are days I just want to get onto a fucking plane and leave for western Canada and never ever look fucking back. It's always been an option. The only reason it wasn't more seriously considered is I would go and never ever fucking looking back.

In my fifteenth year when I know there is nothing left here behind me to be seriously considering it agian speaks wonders. I have a good life. It's boring but it's a good life. The problem is all it will take is one bad day to destroy it all agian. And I see that day returning.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world. I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works. You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun.

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