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Bad Guy II


Our lives are in moments and memories, thats all thats left to us. Choices were made moments were lost. I want whatever of them remains, every damn one of them shouldn't be a battle based on your choices in life. You pushed me away 20 plus years ago. Theres no reason for me to have any guilt all I have ever tried is regain a few of those fucking moments that were lost to us. All I have ever tried to do is be there for you. Not everything in fucking life needs to be an uphill battle. I am at peace in my life except for the turmoil that is yours. I try to be your peace but you made me the enemy. You made me a weapon to blame. So to preserve your fucking peace that you have very little of. Ill allow you to make me the bad guy. Id rather be the bad guy and the fucking villian. At least our backstory is fucking interesting and people fear and respect me.

How the fuck you expect me to process shit that your own decisions have caused while I need to constantly be strong for you, is beyond me. Your decisions, your choices. You know what stands in front of you, you know what stands behind you. Same person, only a moment removed. I haven't and will not fucking changed. Thicker  skin maybe. Less angry and more reserved.  And I have been beat down enough by reality  that I know how to process shit instead of just react with my emotions. I may be at peace with my demons inside but make no mistake they are still inside.

I indentify as a Threat. Because I am one. Except to you. Ive tried very hard for that to happen.

But I don't sit and wait for the ones I love to crawl back to me either, and you should understand why id never do the same for you. We are and were equals. It would diminish me to beg to come home without you opening that damn door. And trust me I am very aware that you are very afraid of that fact. Youd have to give up a lot of your life's illusions. Meanwhile I have no illusions.  I just have an interesting life, an interesting life i would have had with or without you.


You just made my life better, whether in love or in war. I am a better person for you being part of my fucking life. But a lot of that of me being or trying to be a better person is the war with you.

All I see proved to you is that I was fucking strong and that I had a code of honor. Something your own fucking family seemed to lack.

Thats my curse. I'm the stranger, I'm the unpredictable one because I'm the warrior. Thats who I am, I made peace with it.

Enjoy me being your villian, its always better when I know exactly where i stand...

...and when you have someone to blame.

I don't do anger or jealousy anymore. Why would I let anyone other than you disturb my peace. But lets be realistic about it all. I do let you disturb my peace because I would rather be the peace you need by hating me than you hating everyone else in your world. Its always better for you to hate me, that way you have someone in your world that you can be angry at, that you can hate, that loves you unconditionally.

These shoulders are strong enough, they can take every knife in my back you want to place there. They always could.

Doesn't ever change exactly how I feel, took a long time for me to figure out that the problem wasn't and isn't me. I'm always going to be there. Just the way my code was written. Just the way I was built.

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