Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

War, they say, is the answer of those who have no arguments left. I'm not going to listen to anyone give me a fucking lecture on what I should and should not do when I'm fucking starving to make sure I have cash for my kids counselling. It will be there, I don't give a damn how in the fuck I get to it, but if you aren't willing to do your fucking job and take care of your end if the deal, don't expect me to keep trying to get blood from a stone... I will always find a way, but that way usually ends up with me in deep debt and with no further uphill than I was before... This is a war of a attrition and it's a war if minor moves, but when someone supposedly on my side is telling me how and when to move... That's not going to go over when there's almost an outright refusal to do anything, and it's been like that for six fucking years, I can't continue to crap out every dime I have to fight this war if I don't have back up and if you're vi...

One of the greatest evils is the foolishness of a good man. For the giving man to withhold helping someone in order to first assure personal fortification is not selfish, but to elude needless self-destruction; martyrdom is only practical when the thought is to die, else a good man faces the consequence of digging a hole from which he cannot escape, and truly helps no one in the long run. Maybe people haven't noticed lately, but I have no qualms and no regrets being the villain of there particular horror story, as long as my ethics are better than there's and I don't back down and I do what's right, I don't have any fucking guilt from others who care only about themselves when I walk the fuck away....I've never been anything but the bad guy in some peoples minds so I've adapted to that being my defining characteristic, I'd rather be your enemy than you're Freind the way that some people in my life have fucking treated me... And that goes double fo...

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain. ..It's your move now, but we are at the end game... everything has happened as expected and all it was is another way to stall time and to continue to play the fucking game... a game I am tired of... I can predict you're next move and I know exactly what it will be... ...

Prisons are full of sociopaths and psychopaths, but when questioned, the imprisoned sociopath will honestly admit that they will commit any number of crimes to help a friend. A friend will help you move; a true friend will help you move a body. A friend will bail you out of jail; a true friend will be sitting beside you. Who wouldn’t want to have a true friend? But they sound a lot like a sociopath. It was a fun and interesting trip in the winter and I am sad to see him go, i owed him a large favor and it has been repaid, and i have responsibilities i ignored for a few weeks but it's time to go headlong into that, it is nice to make memories when i can, and while it will never replace the adventures with my kid... it is cool to spend time with my friends from all over the fucking world on my turf.... especially when i owe the man a debt i can never fully fucking repay.. but i tried. i hope he enjoyed himself and that my moody anti social nonsense wasn't too much... I...

A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us. Its almost over regardless of the next step. there is only so many chess moves left, i have no expectations that anything will change but im going thru the motions, the last move is checkmate not the stalemate that i have endured the last six fucking years.. it's just a matter of how we get there.. but the game has only started to end, but this time.. i have to make the right moves. it may feel like a pain in the ass, and it may causese some hardship at a time of the year when i have fucking nothing.. but thats all part of her plan, and its something i can use.. i just have to play ball one last time.. and let her manipulate herself into a corner. shes very good at that.. and it works to my advantage.. i just have to end the game.. and the end is near. Current Mood: Determ...

We are all born to love people and use things. Unfortunately, we grow to love things and use people... I'm sick of freeloaders and fakes that think they can get something for nothing from me, I'd rather have an isolationist attitude than fucking deal with people who cry pauper every fucking time they have drama in their lives... I'm not taking care of others anymore. I'm fed up with doing so. It shouldn't take a fucking year to recover items or money from deadbeat assholes. It's very interesting at the end of the fucking day when you need help, whose actually there and who is the fucking albatross around the neck. I'm sick of so called friends freeloading off me and doing fucking favours and being patient. I have a war to fight, I have battles to fucking win. I'm fed up with white trash that takes advantage just because they think they can. It's not just one person either, it's a mentality of entitlement and I shouldn't have to beg for wh...

You think because I'm willing to use the enemy's tactics, that they're no longer my enemy? There is a strong possibility that I might be able to see the end of this... but coming off the last few weeks I don't have any more patience for anything getting in my way, and I'm holding everyone accountable.. all of those that owe me money, the people that claim to be my supports, the friends and Family that supposedly have my back except for the most part when I really need it and they don't.. this is the time for judgement and for battle.. I am at war Alone.. and this war is and will end one way or another very soon... It cannot be because of me that it goes south... I'm in a fucking corner right now because of her chess move... it's just more stalling and a way for her to create chaos for me in terms of planning... but it wasn't entirely unexpected. i will find a solution i don't care what it takes.. this is my son we are talking about.. fuck Chris...