Skip to main content

Black & White


One is learning to balance the darker sides of one's self issues and behaviors by moderating everything that one does including the sleep and the drink.. but it is ridiculous when one has to deal with nonsense after an agreement has been made and the person who made the fucking agreement decides a few days later to not honour it and then decides to get into a screaming match with me after i've worked a fucking long saturday shift... at this point i am hoping i can the apartment in the north end and begone from the hellhole where me and the little one currently reside... a decade ago one owuld have smashed holes into the walls and smashed every window... she is very lucky i am no longer that person... i don't like being judged for something i'm not becuase on my freetime and in my work life i may not confirm to everyone's perfect little life... 1. In free time i dress as i choose. 2. I work a midnight shift so my freetime hours are diffrent than others and complaining that the tv is on low all night is fucking bullshit.... i don't sleep nights if i have to go to work the next night you moron. but of course this is why i'm moving and why i'm done with her... hopefully tommorow i will have good news about the new place.

Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.

Current Mood: Disillusioned.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...