Skip to main content

Gambit.


There is considerable risk with my next venture. i think i may have found my new apartment but i have to figure out a few things first as i am wading once agian into a great unknown and i know that if i return to the old neighboorhood there is no turning back i will end up staying for the rest of my life and raising my son in the north end. I have what i feel is a somewhat permanent job on the mountain and if i end up moving into this apartment i will end up staying there a very long time becauase for my mental health it is probaly the best place to be. all the old ties have died away in the last fifteen years, and it is realistically the only place other than st. Catherines i have ever truly called home. I am sick of the wanderslust and the nomadic lifestyle. it used to appeal to me going places and having adventures but now i want to settle down and have some element of peacefulness. there are many things to figure out but i am debating renting the place within the week, it'a a little more than i can concivably afford but as with everything it's always a gamble.. obviously you have to sink or swim and make right decisons for yourself and your family.

There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.


Current Mood: Pensive.
Current Music:Drowning Pool, Let the bodies hit the floor.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.