Skip to main content

Relapse.... Part two.


SO yeah.. interesting day yesterday.. the mindfuck continues, i am starting to understand how little i was fucked up in comparison... some of these things i am seeing and the issues i am having bleed thru my fingers when i clock out are confusing but relaistic.. this is exactly where i need to be, personal issues aside when i step between those doors, it's go time the red lighht is on and i'm on the spot. Time to man up and take it...there are things here i don't understand but i must try to.. i know that i'm a damn good worker but having these new experinces that i have never had to deal with before is an eyeopener. a lesser man would not be able to handle it... the world isn't a fair place.....

and another thing... anyone who wants to rant about how i kick back on my off hours and enjoy myself does not need to be part of my life... there are reason's i lose myself inside a bottle because otherwise i can't sleep some nights.. if you truly knew the demons i deal with and the demons that are piggybacking themselves onto me because i can't just leave work at the door you'd know the reason the insomnia is affecting me without the drink. i need to sleep. there are many things that i have to deal with now and it is a release. i can't just leave work at the fucking door and go home and pretend every thing is fucking hunky dory. i do not drink around my child or anyone i am resposnsible for or on a day i have to go back to work... i will recluse myself from that particular idea.. shit i don't drink till 3 pm, not a drop because i am afraid of being called in.

Current Mood: Frustrated
Current Music: Kick the Chair, Megadeth

I say what I want to say and do what I want to do. There's no in between. People will either love you for it or hate you for it.
Eminem

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world.  I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works.  You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun. 
Post a Comment
Read more