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Enter..Oblivion.


SO go Fucking Figure I think one thing in my life is starting to get less complicated and there are less Issues in at least one positive aspect of my life, and then, Boom, I walk into work today and i find out that I have no shifts for the next two weeks.... What the fuck is with that? I mean Loyalty is earned not a revolving door.... I don't mind working hard but i need to see that I have a future here not being used as casual relief when i'm supposedly permanent part time... I need to be able to pay the rent and feed myself and my kid... I'm seriously thinking of pushing for fulltime elsewhere including durham and toronto agian seeing how my current Housing sitautaion is all fucking fubared... i'm comfortable in Hamiltion and that's part of the problem, other than the job that seems to be coming and going anytime it likes with no long term stabilty, i'm exteremly comfortable here, there's no challenges to my life and nothing to keep me driven, long as i have a decent paycheque coming to keep a roof over my head i'm no longer inspired, i have dreams and goals... last year this was a good first step in accomplishing the ones that are left but it seems after a year that i am becoming As complacent in the city as i was in Windsor pre-July 2004, when one reaches a comfort level and allows oneself to become relaxed it can become dangerous as one let's one guard down and stops forgetting there are things in this world to guard agianst... I know this better than Most... and I see aspects of it every day.... at least that fact i am becoming Self-aware of myself agian is making the fact that i need to start pushing to be more of an advocate agian palpable... i better start writing that book and advocating for change... It's needed... and i am starting to realize that i don't need to do it for selfish reasons... you shouldn't phone in your job in my line of work.. and/or be encouraged to do so.

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
Mother Theresa.

Current Mood: Dunno.
Current Music: I Don't Know, Ozzy.

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