Skip to main content

Enter..Oblivion.


SO go Fucking Figure I think one thing in my life is starting to get less complicated and there are less Issues in at least one positive aspect of my life, and then, Boom, I walk into work today and i find out that I have no shifts for the next two weeks.... What the fuck is with that? I mean Loyalty is earned not a revolving door.... I don't mind working hard but i need to see that I have a future here not being used as casual relief when i'm supposedly permanent part time... I need to be able to pay the rent and feed myself and my kid... I'm seriously thinking of pushing for fulltime elsewhere including durham and toronto agian seeing how my current Housing sitautaion is all fucking fubared... i'm comfortable in Hamiltion and that's part of the problem, other than the job that seems to be coming and going anytime it likes with no long term stabilty, i'm exteremly comfortable here, there's no challenges to my life and nothing to keep me driven, long as i have a decent paycheque coming to keep a roof over my head i'm no longer inspired, i have dreams and goals... last year this was a good first step in accomplishing the ones that are left but it seems after a year that i am becoming As complacent in the city as i was in Windsor pre-July 2004, when one reaches a comfort level and allows oneself to become relaxed it can become dangerous as one let's one guard down and stops forgetting there are things in this world to guard agianst... I know this better than Most... and I see aspects of it every day.... at least that fact i am becoming Self-aware of myself agian is making the fact that i need to start pushing to be more of an advocate agian palpable... i better start writing that book and advocating for change... It's needed... and i am starting to realize that i don't need to do it for selfish reasons... you shouldn't phone in your job in my line of work.. and/or be encouraged to do so.

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
Mother Theresa.

Current Mood: Dunno.
Current Music: I Don't Know, Ozzy.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Return To The Abyss.

If anyone thinks they can take advantage of me and the people I care about, they are sadly mistaken. I walk away from people I love because of their bullshit. Someone who is merely there in my life? Yeah, I’m fucking out. I don’t need emotional vampires that suck me dry in my life. I will walk away from anything and everything at this point. I no longer give a damn about anything other than myself when it comes to your opinion.  This decision and many others have been a long fucking time coming and to be honest I’m better off doing my own thing alone and solo. Because it’s better off for all involved. There’s still a temper and there is still the old me hidden underneath this attempt at seeking peace. I’m not a nice guy, I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. And I’m not keeping my fucking mouth shut.  No one fucking uses me, Period. And thats all I’ve felt I’ve been over the last few years. By a number of people in my professional life and my personal life. So maybe at this mom...
Post a Comment
Read more