Skip to main content

Snake Eater


I don't know what to believe in anymore... i am getting increasingly frustrated with the nonsense at work and the political bullshit and the back biting... i should have my paycheque in hand today and it's nonexistent... fucking ridiculous.. at least theres another option later this week at the downtown Y? i dunno.. too many things to be pissed at currently... fucking ex and her nonsense... the fact i can't afford to give little man a decent Xmas without stretching my budget and wallet to the limit... what the fuck is with employment when i was able to do a better Christmas for my child on welfare living in Thorold than being employed in Hamilton.... i should not have to be selling possessions like my Ps2/x box's etc just to survive and have nice things for him and his birthday.... yes i don't play with them as much anymore and little man has his Wii... but whatever i shouldn't be buying his birthday present with money from that? then again it's not like i can see my little man when i want to either.. seeing how she's again decided that I'm a nonexistence part of his life... what the fuck? if i have the weekend off and my next scheduled weekend im working you can't even be bothered to pick up the fucking phone and have an intelligent discourse with me? what the hell? and i was once in love with this woman and had a child with her? i don't know where 2010 is taking me but i'm hoping there are some changes agian... i need consistency in my life not nonsense and i am sick of just hanging on for dear life...

Current mood: Depressed.

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...