Skip to main content

Dyer's Eve.


I have started feeling that I like angry and determined Bones more than i like being happy, it seems like the only I am truly happy is when I am with my son or with the boys at work on a good day. any other time it's just an alcoholic haze to dull the pain of emotions inside, i'm trying to burn out before i fade away, but it's time to put all that way, If i am going to accomplish what i need to do in this life I need to be clear and have clarity of mind, my anger has always been my greatest determination and my determination has always been my greatest weapon.. it's time to go back to that mentality... One mindedness without distraction. I am sick of the way things are done, I am sick that a restraint is the only acceptable option when someone is being disruptive, i'm sick of the fact that these kids don't have shit in the way of property, I'm sick of the fact that the only supposed option when a child decides to throw a weak punch is to call a police officer, what is that going to teach? Fear? Fear of society? Fear of Me? Fear of the System? I'm sick of the fact i have allowed to blind myself so i can ignore things around me.... yes i need to fucking Move on, but i think before I do that it's time to start fucking speaking up not just for my own sanity and self preservation but so that things change, I cannot play Atlas bearing all this shit on my shoulder's for the rest of my life, it may be my cross to bear but i don't think I can do it... Silently anymore.

Current Mood: Hostile.
Current Music: Godsmack, I Stand Alone. "Themesong for my Third year of College."

Always Censoring Their Every Move
Children Are Seen But Are Not Heard
Tear out Everything Inspired

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change  This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.