Your Ontario town is a Burial Ground III

The love hate relationship with hamilton continues, i went and had a good night in hess village and am a little less worried about money. I still see the world in shades of all black, there is just so much wrong here and i feel the leaves are turning black and inward towards and in on me, there is so much i still don't understand i was made for better things than being a jester in hess village... i can do/be better than this, all i can feel even after all night in the bar scene is despair,I think i got a vewiw of something else last week and now that things are crumbling i'm just waiting for the axe to fall and release me from indentured slavery. i am burning out with everything that I am doing, it explains the alcoholism that seem to enjoy to indulge myself in. I think i'd rather be jim morrison rather than diyonisus... but then i remeber he Died a lot younger than i am now, i have my reasons for staying alive. i have a whole world to show him but after this weeks events i am considering the fact that the energy in this ontario town is not something i want to subject him to for much longer. When i am having trouble finding reasons to feel, is that really the enviorment i want to raise him in?

Current Mood: Nothing.
Current Music: Your Ontario town is a Burial Ground, Woods of Ypres.
Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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