Your Ontario town is a Burial Ground III

The love hate relationship with hamilton continues, i went and had a good night in hess village and am a little less worried about money. I still see the world in shades of all black, there is just so much wrong here and i feel the leaves are turning black and inward towards and in on me, there is so much i still don't understand i was made for better things than being a jester in hess village... i can do/be better than this, all i can feel even after all night in the bar scene is despair,I think i got a vewiw of something else last week and now that things are crumbling i'm just waiting for the axe to fall and release me from indentured slavery. i am burning out with everything that I am doing, it explains the alcoholism that seem to enjoy to indulge myself in. I think i'd rather be jim morrison rather than diyonisus... but then i remeber he Died a lot younger than i am now, i have my reasons for staying alive. i have a whole world to show him but after this weeks events i am considering the fact that the energy in this ontario town is not something i want to subject him to for much longer. When i am having trouble finding reasons to feel, is that really the enviorment i want to raise him in?

Current Mood: Nothing.
Current Music: Your Ontario town is a Burial Ground, Woods of Ypres.
Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.

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Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact. You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family. Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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