The End Approaches...

The time for sitting patiently and waiting for things to fix themselves is over.. it's now time to be on the offensive and to create a situation where victory is the only inevitable answer... there is nothing other than that left in terms of what's left of my life and the fact that I have stayed the course and not lost faith, of course there are people within and without my life who I do not need hanging on... and If i could see clearly back then I would erase or leave people forgotten that do not need to be in my life.... why in times of crisis am I the sane one when everyone around me is breaking down, Do these people not realize i'm the one completely shattered inside? But of course like the everlasting rock I am, i'm still when i'm needed.. even if it means one shoves the knife in and fucking out over and over.. when one walked away i should have stayed walking away.. for Christ sakes i was 300 miles away, it should have been an end.. now it is....I miss Windsor terribly and the worst part of that is I know i did this to myself by choosing to return to poison. that's ok.. the battle is almost at an end.

Current Mood: Determined.
Every story has an ending ... I will write yours.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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