Ghosts Of the Past.

The more I think about it the more it disturbs me that good or bad the fact that my past before i was an adult is a defining factor in my life and affects everything I touch, usually making them wither and die, even the one good and pure thing in my life Has not been adversely affected, and that's because someone with a deep need to inflict hate upon me has used all the knowledge of the past to inflict deep wounds, I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of being strong, I'm sick and tired of pretending at the end of the day that the deep and bitter wounds of yesterday won't still be there, I have to keep fighting because that's all I know how to fucking do.. but it's sad when i have people around me defending me and willing to help prop me up when i am at my weakest, but none of that matters because the words of charlatans and betrayers mean more than the honest truth, one day their will hopefully be a vindication but A day like today that day seems so far off, of course, everything I am, every moral fiber, every bone in this body will keep fighting as long as i have to. the soul may grow weary, the body may tire but one thing you can never destroy, is my Resolve. I am not defined by my experiences, whatever they are or were they make me stronger, I'm not going to allow an outside party to destroy everything i am and everything I've worked for in this life.... the fight has only just begun and at the end of the day the stronger will of a single man will prevail.

Current Mood: Anger.
You either get tired fighting for peace, or you die.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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