The Better Half of my Nature....

Once in a while someone comes around and reminds me why I should not be looking back on my friends and relationships in Windsor with rose colored glasses, I have to remind myself that sometimes people need to deal with their own bullshit and circumstances in life and allowing them to crash for a day or two or trying to give them helping hand is just enabling them, and worse it just enabling them to walk all over me... I have had enough of being walked on by she who should be named... but i am to the point in my life where there is a very fucking good reason i am a fucking asshole and it's probably better for me to be alone and miserable and enjoy the fact that i have solitude rather than have fairweather friends around who only come crawling around when they need a fucking handout due to their own decisions, I'm not the guy i was in Windsor, so fucking what, if that makes me a bigger asshole so be it.. I never planned in this life to be the nice guy... I have my own shit to deal with, I can't sit around taking care of others and dealing with their fucking headgames and nonsense, there is only time for one person and her mental chess game to be played.. i am honestly thinking about exiling a lot of people from my life, I know who my true friends are, and at this point the more i lose voluntarily the better... because some of these people are the worst kinds of friends.... but i'd rather have the people i can trust around me than the people i can trust to put a knife in my back when i'm not looking... sorry if that makes me an asshole.

Current Mood: Annoyed.
When you look at the dark side, careful you must be ... for the dark side looks back.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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