The War VIII: War Zone

I should not be sitting here on a fucking battlefield waiting for the next shoe to drop and half expecting to have the chess master sit there and make peace with someone she knows i can use in court, and then have a phone call from out of fucking nowhere stating the obvious, Obviously i hold a fucking grudge and there is no way in hell i was going to use you unless i had to as I still blame you for a lot of the fucking bullshit that has happened in mine and my sons life, telling me to man up and be a man when you obviously don't know the situation and you have only heard the fucking bitches side of the story and then calling me out of the fucking blue... i asked you a question the correct answer would have just to have been to say no, as it is I don't give a damn because i don't need you, but it is interesting to see the levels of psychological war she is attempting to stoop too.. i wonder where you and her made up and got friendly again, was it in a bar? was it over drinks? I only wish she could have ever been that nice to me, but of course as far as she concerned i'm her mortal enemy, can't say the feeling isn't mutual but it is.. i hate her, for a long time i hated you more... but you know what, the true reality is your just a pawn in the game, so keep moving the way you're told, i have what i need I'm done with you.... just don't cross my fucking path and you will be fine.... I have bigger fucking things to attend to... they don't include you.

Current Mood: Angry.
A man who doesn't have anything to lose, can't help but win.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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